I Need To Know
by Moony'sWhiteWolf416
Summary: Hermione's schoolgirl crush is taken to a knew level in her 7th year when she starts a secret relationship with Remus, but what will happen when a very much alive Sirius Black catches her attention. HGRL & HGSB
1. Slipped Away

I miss you, miss you so bad  
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad  
I hope you can hear me  
I remember it clearly  
The day you slipped away  
Was the day I found it won't be the same

-I Miss you, Avril Lavigne

Hermione watched to rain beat against the window. She was on her way back to Hogwarts again and she was listening to the conversations of the others in her compartment. Ron and Harry were talking about quidditch and Ginny, who was reading, would every now and then glance at the boys and add a comment or two. Across from Hermione sat Remus and Sirius who were discussing their new teaching careers. After the war was fought and Voldemort was captured Sirius returned from behind the veil and as a free man, he decided to join Harry and the others at Hogwarts to teach. Professor Lupin moved to Astronomy while Professor Black took his place of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Hermione looked back out the window, studying the way the rain slid across the glass. It was almost hypnotizing.

"I can't wait for this year to start. It's going to be great! What do you think Hermione?"

Everyone went silent waiting for an answer.

"What… oh yes Ginny," she answered half-heartedly.

Everyone frowned as she looked back out the window. She hadn't been the same since last year, since the death of her parents. She tried not to think about it, but found it never worked. Even after the war the death eaters wanted revenge and they had successfully lured her away from the house for a while. Luckily she hadn't been the one to find the bodies. It had been a neighbor who, upon receiving no answer on the telephone, decided to investigate further and found them both. Hermione had returned home only to find police cars and ambulances blocking the way to her house. She had been staying with and aunt ever since. She hoped being back at Hogwarts would get her mind off of everything that had happened and she had a feeling that so did everyone else.

The rain was beginning to slow and she leaned her head against the cool glass and closed her eyes taking in the feelings of sadness. It lingered in the back of her mind no matter what she did or where she went. It would never let go of her, but more importantly she would never let go of it. Many times since their death she questioned her love for them. She knew or at least thought she knew that she loved them, but if she did then why hadn't she cried. She shed not a single tear for their passing and she thought it was wrong, but she couldn't force herself to cry over them so she tried not to think about it.

She opened her eyes to see Remus staring at her. She felt the heat in her cheeks flame, a tingle spread through her body, and that burning happiness in her heart. Remus smiled before turning back to Sirius and continuing their conversation. 'Damn' she cursed herself, not this again… not another schoolgirl crush on _him._ She cursed herself again and tried to get her mind on anything, but Remus.

* * *

"Teaching isn't that scary, don't worry about it, you'll do fine,"

"Yeah, well, you've done this before, Remus. It's all new for me." Sirius said smiling.

Remus sighed as Sirius joined Harry and Ron's conversation about the latest quidditch match. He turned his gaze to the window and noticed Hermione. She was leaned up against the window with her eyes closed. She looked so peaceful, so relaxed, so beautiful. What! Where did that come from? He mentally smacked himself. She is a student… What are you thinking! He took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. She opened her eyes and he realized he was still staring. Their eyes met, he noticed the color in her cheeks flare and he couldn't help but smile. After a moment he cursed himself and turned to talk to Sirius again, trying hard not to think about Hermione.


	2. Everything I'd Ever Need

I wish he were the one  
God created for me  
'Cause his imperfections seem perfect to me  
And for me he doesn't have to be  
Anything more than what he is  
And with God he seems to be  
Everything I'd ever need

-Andie Slayer

Over the next few days Hermione tried to get back in the swing of things. She couldn't deny the fact that she was happy to be back and a couple times she found herself forgetting about her parents. Ron and Harry were being very supportive, but they didn't act the same around her, and she missed the way they use to be. They were always cautious about what they said around her and she felt bad about it. Ginny already had a new boyfriend and Hermione could tell Harry wasn't happy about it even though he tried to hide it. Besides that deep pain in her heart everything seemed back to normal. Well almost. Lately she found her thoughts wondering to Remus. Whenever he looked at her she felt that giddy feeling in her stomach and no matter what she did to try to stop it she couldn't. She couldn't help but smile in his presence. He also had begun to invade her dreams. But she always convinced herself that he was too old for her. He was old enough to be her father… What was she doing thinking about him in that way? She decided to talk to Ginny about it. She had to tell someone and she trusted Ginny like the sister she never had. She was now sitting on her bed waiting for her. She heard footsteps, a tap on the door, then doorknob turned and Ginny walked in.

"What was so important that I had to skip lunch?" she said with fake annoyance. "I was hungry too!" she added with a smile, joining Hermione on the bed.

"I think I like someone," Hermione said not even trying to contain her smile.

"Who?" Ginny said smiling

Hermione's smile faded. Why was she doing this? Why couldn't she just forget him? It's not like anything would ever happen between them, but she couldn't help but hope.

"Tell me!" Ginny pleaded.

"Professor Lupin," Hermione whispered. Then, she smiled again.

"I knew it!"

"What?" Hermione asked unbelievably.

"You're not yourself anymore," Ginny said frowning. They both knew what she meant. She was referring to her parent's death. "But when you're around him or when he smiles at you, you seem truly happy," she added with a smile.

"Is it that obvious," Hermione asked hoping no one else had noticed, especially not Remus.

"No," Ginny answered.

Hermione sighed, though she was still not reassured completely. She felt better now that someone knew and she was glad she had Ginny to talk to, but she still didn't know what to do. She was starting to wonder if it was just a crush after all, I mean after everything they had been though together. Just thinking of him made her smile. She was broken out of her trance by the sound of her stomach growling. They both laughed.

"I see you're hungry too," Ginny said trying to contain her laughter.

"A little," Hermione answered.

"Well let's hurry and make it to lunch. I told the boy's to save us a seat just in case we did make it,"

Hermione gave Ginny a hug and they both started to the great hall.

* * *

Remus checked his watch. It was time for lunch. He hadn't had any classes this morning so he had decided to do some reading and had settled himself in his favorite corner of the library, next to the window that over looked the lake. He had just finished A Walk to Remember for the third time since summer had started. Lately he had begun to investigate muggle authors and he found Nicholas Sparks to be good, but it seemed, at least so far, that all his books were so sad. He stuck the book in his satchel and decided to go strait to the great hall for lunch. He quickly found his thoughts wondering back to Hermione, as they had so very often since that day on the train. He rounded a corner deep in thought, not watching where he was going. That was until he collided with something hard. He regained his footing before looking at what, well, who he'd bumped into. Hermione looked up at him whileblushing a deep crimson. He stood staring for a minute before realizing she wasn't alone.

"I'm so sorry Hermione," he said.

"That's ok I wasn't watching either," she said not meeting his eye.

"I'm guessing you were heading to lunch," he added.

"Yes, Professor," Ginny said

"Please call me Remus when were not in class. You're not only a student, but a friend," he said smiling. "And in that case, do you mind if I join you?"

"Not at all," Ginny answered.

Remus looked at Hermione. She was still staring at her shoes and she wouldn't look at him. He wondered if he had done something, but quickly dismissed the idea once they had started walking. Remus felt her warmth beside him and it was making him uneasy. How could she do so much to him? They were almost to the great hall when he felt her hand brush his. It sent chills up his spine and she glanced up at him. Their eyes locked and he realized how bad he actually wanted her, whether it was right or not.


	3. Thoughts

Hermione decided to take a walk down to the lake and clear her thoughts. She couldn't even concentrate on her schoolwork anymore. Every thing she thought about had to do with Remus and she hated it because she knew no matter what she did they would never be together. She walked to the waters edge and sat down. She slowly took off her shoes and socks and then slipped her feet in the water. It was one of her favorite past times, especially when she was feeling bad. Her thoughts once again wondered to him and yesterday when she had bumped into him in the hall. When their hands had brushed it sent chills up her spine. She loved being near him, but when she was it made her scared. What would he think about her if he ever found out the way she felt? It wasn't like she could help who she loved. Was it love? She wasn't sure, but she knew she would give nearly anything to be with him. What was she going to do?

* * *

Remus was in the library again today reading The Note Book. Another one of Nicholas Sparks books, but he found he couldn't concentrate. His thoughts kept wondering to Hermione. He wasn't sure what to do. Well, he knew one thing. He definitely wasn't going to tell her. He decided to just wait it out and see what happened. He gathered his books and headed to his classroom.

* * *

"Hermione get up!"

Hermione's eyes shot open. She found Harry, Ron and Ginny looking down at her. 'Damn!' she cursed herself. She had fallen asleep down by the lake… again! That was the 3rd time that week. She stuffed her shoes in her bag and then threw it over her shoulder.

"What time is it?" she asked wondering if she had missed any classes.

"Almost 3:00" Harry answered as they started walking towards the castle

"Shoot, that means I missed Charms,"

"I noticed!" Ginny said in a you-think kind of voice. "That's when we decided to come look for you. You wouldn't miss a class if you life depended on it!"

They all laughed and upon reaching the Common room her and Ginny headed up to the girls dorm. They both had DADA next and Hermione couldn't wait. She loved Sirius's classes. They were so fun and very hands on, but the one thing that got on her nerves so bad was that every girl in her class and most likely all the rest of the classes were swooning over him. She laughed at the thought.

"What?" Ginny asked apparently wanting to know what was so funny.

"Oh nothing," Hermione answered before they both headed out the door.

* * *

Sirius sat at his desk awaiting the arrival of Harry and the others. He loved teaching especially with them around. It hadn't been as hard as he thought it was going to be. Actually it was kind of fun. He finished the grading the last paper on his desk and went over the day's lesson plans in his head. Once he was sure he had everything plan he found his thoughts drifting to Remus. Lately he had found him staring at the Gryffindor table any time they entered the great hall and he hadn't been himself lately. Sirius thought it might just be Moony acting up, but surely he wouldn't be feeling the effects of the moon this early, but that still didn't explain his staring habits. Sirius decided he would ask him about it later as the trio walked in the door. 


End file.
